Houston:Year One

It's official! I survived my first year in H-Town with it's fair share of excitingly hilarious moments of course. {Why do I not have my own TV show yet? Seriously, MTV...I see the crap you air! I'm adorable & comedic...double win!} 

This first year has come with it's fair share of road bumps, pit stops, and detours. But honestly, I could not be more thankful for it. It's caused some major soul searching, caused me to find my footing in my faith once again, major progress in my career path, and a premature quarter life crisis or two. I've been hit on by bums, lost in the Third Ward, broken more traffic laws downtown than I can count, spent a majority of my time in traffic, and been cussed at in more languages than I realized existed. 

If this last year has taught me anything though it would be this:

I am a strong and confident woman who is not nearly as independent as I like to lead on...however I am becoming more and more independent as we speak. After a year of not having friends in the same city as me to do things with, I have found myself at coffee shops, restaurants, going shopping, and the park alone more often than not. A year ago, this would have sent me into an anxiety attack, but now it's slightly empowering and zen. 

I have begun to find myself in my faith again also. After drifting so far from where I once had been as a Christian, I have now made it a daily routine of doing my devotional and spending time with Jesus...just He and I. It's so uplifting and makes my days much easier to deal with. Prayer comes much more naturally and freely then it did a year ago, Christian music doesn't cheesy and corny anymore, and I find strength in scripture. I've always been really open in my walk with Jesus; though I am not where I once was in my walk, I am much further along than I was this time last year.

Depression and Anxiety still come knocking on my door from time to time, but I am not as vulnerable to their charm as I once was. While some sick part of me is still attracted to those condescending assholes and occasionally I let them in to rule my life, I deal with them in much healthier ways then I have in the past. A bottle of wine is not downed on the regular any longer. Long walks in the park, play time with Tarly, and mini pep talks, keep me much more sane and normal feeling then I've felt in a long time. 

Houston drivers can kiss my ass. I thought Temple was bad...I'd take Temple drivers any day over the dirt bags here. That is really all I have to say about that.

You can't live here and not be a foodie. There is some unwritten law here that you MUST be a foodie to live here. And while you will never hear me complain about eating, trying new foods still terrifies me, but I'm getting better.

Bums are scarier then I ever realized from my two trips to Chicago. They will bang on your car for your attention. They will shout crude, repulsive things at you for not carrying cash/change on you. And they are not afraid to ask you out to dinner even when they are in desperate need of a shower and have no money. They are FEARLESS. And I...I am fearful!

God has a mighty plan for my career when He placed it in our hearts to move here last year. If I had stayed in Central Texas, I would still be a lowly GM partner. However I am fresh out of SORM, in a bad ass store that does killer volume, and it's looking like I'll be promoting again before summer arrives. I am so incredibly thankful for this opportunity. 2 years ago, I would have never guessed I would be planning to work for HEB forever, but I am hella proud to be working for this kick ass company. HOW LUCKY AM I?!

And lastly I learned that happiness is completely relative, but finding joy is the truth gift in life. I am joyful daily, however there are days that I much choose happiness over being a crazy bitch {which we are all aware that crazy bitch comes naturally for me}. This last year has been incredible and stressful but one of the best so far. We are quickly approaching 2016 and year 25 for me, and I have the best feeling in the world that it's going to be my best year yet. Lots of exciting things coming in my second year in this mess of a city.

-XOXO

An Open Letter to Nick

Every girl has a best guy friend like Nick at least once in her 20s. He's the guy who is always there for her, loves her unconditionally, supports her, encourages her, appreciates her for the dime she is, and is completely honest with her when no one else has the courage to be. Somehow she disappoints him, pushes him away, and ultimately loses him. This is for all of the under appreciated Nicks of the world...we are sorry we let love get in the way of our friendship. 

Dearest Nick,

I know what you are thinking...why after all of these years am I reaching out to you? Well truth be told, I wish I would have had the courage to reach out to you long ago. I have very few regrets in my life, but one of them is definitely not trusting you more, not heeding your words of advice, and ultimately pushing you away. 

I hope you are well. I'm sure you already know, the bets were there for years, but that relationship you warned me not to return to ended...in an explosion with fire and flames just as you had promised me it would. You were one of the best friends I could have asked for. You realized what a catch I was long before I ever could. 

I know this doesn't mean much now, but you gave me the courage to stand up for myself. You would be so proud what I've accomplished the last few years. I'm no longer hidden in a little shell waiting for someone to bust me out. I'm a firecracker! 

I miss our famous talks about anything and everything, our long drives to the middle of nowhere without a GPS, and our mutual love for the same music while singing at the top of our lungs together. 

I am so sorry things turned out the way they did for us. I'd give anything to turn back the hands of time and do everything a little differently. At least if we had lost touch then I wouldn't feel guilty for choosing a boyfriend over a friend. 

Nick, you are an absolute gem, and anyone would be lucky to have you as their friend. I never got to thank you for all of the support you provided for me during our friendship, all the laughs we shared when the whole room knew I wanted to cry, and the encouraging words you lent when I was a hotmess. It's silly how in life we can let one little disagreement be the deciding factor on a relationship. If only I had known then what I know now. I hope if we ever meet on the streets again, you will greet me with one of those awesome bear hugs. 

Until Next Time, My Long Lost Friend. 

-XOXO

10 Things That Make Our Relationship Work

I don't have relationships figured out. No one does actually. Whaaaaat?! I know shocker. I hate to ruin that for all you, but someone needed to. There's no scientific formula to making a relationship work. There are obviously right and wrong ways to go about it, but even that is different from relationship to relationship. But here are my top 10 ways MY relationship work, in no particular order:

1. We say mean things to each other on occasion. You are probably thinking I'm crazy, but it's truth. Occasionally we get so mad at each other that we can't bottle it in anymore and we just say it. We don't run to other people talking crap about one another, and THAT is what saves our relationship. We know that when we say those mean things to one another, we are only saying it to each other. We immediately forgive and forget. We don't do it regularly, but every few months...we have a vent sesh and then everything is good again. 

2. We always tell each other we love each other before we go to sleep and when we wake up. I know this seems simple and obvious, but you take for granted small things like that. And when you have chaotic schedules like ours, it makes the long, difficult days a little easier to deal with. 

3. We never go to bed mad or sleep separately. It amazes me how many couples I hear say they went to bed mad at each other and/or slept separately from each other because of a disagreement. I can't think of a single time in our relationship where we have gone to bed upset with each other or not slept in the same bed after an argument. Believe me I have moments where I want to tell Justin to sleep on the couch, but I don't have that right. Our bed and our room is sacred, and we keep it that way by sorting out differences out after every disagreement. 

4. We enjoy time apart from each other. When we lived in Temple in our 3 bedroom house, it was much easier to find time and the space to have alone time. Living in our 630 square foot apartment, proved to make that task difficult at times, but we manage. I believe being selfish with our alone time once or twice a week is necessary for our relationship to work. I love Justin with all of my heart, but I cannot watch TV or play video games all day and as much as I enjoy his friends...they aren't mine. It's been an unspoken requirement for the two of us since day one to have hobbies outside of our relationship. We don't ask permission to go hang out with our friends, we just inform each other and go. 

5. On the flip side, we make time for one another. With both of us working retail, we sometimes go several days only seeing each other for just a few minutes a day or while each other is sleeping. We make an effort each week to spend at least an hour together. That means no video games, no work, no friends, limited phone time. Just the two of us and Tarly. Even if it's just watching a TV show or movie together, running to the grocery store, or going for a walk...we make the time. It's important to not take our time together for granted. 

6. We have fun! I feel like couples forget to have fun these days. With times being hard, work being entirely too important to most people, and media/entertainment in the comfort of your home taking over...we forget what fun actually looks like. We LOVE exploring and museums. We try at least once a month to go do something new in Houston. Laughing and joking around makes those silly fights we have totally worth it. 

7. We are honest with each other. Women...WE ARE PSYCHOS! There I said it. Get over yourselves. If you ask your man if you are fat or even dare to call yourself fat in front of him, don't get mad if gets honest with you and agrees. I hate that men feel like they can't be honest with women. I ask Justin if I look like I gained weight or if I look fat in an outfit, and he tells me the truth, I respect it, and if I get mad, it's at myself for allowing that to happen. And on the same level, I'm totally honest with Justin...when we started dating and he was gaining weight, I told him. And when his beard started looking gross and it was time to shave, I told him. It makes our bond stronger!

8. We support each other. This looks a couple different ways in our relationship. There is the side where we support each other's goals and dreams. We encourage one another daily to go after those and we have each other's back when it comes to actually grasping them. And there is the emotional side. We have bother been through a lot of shit through the years...Justin as a marine and myself, well, my life is just one giant mess. This is a little more difficult for me at times. I grew up being a very nurturing person and there have been times in our relationship when I've just wanted to hold Justin while he hurt, but I've had to learn to support him by reminding him I love him, patting him on the back, and giving him his space. And then when I've needed emotional support, it hasn't always looked the way, I'd hoped. Justin hugs me, loves me, and gives me my space and sometimes, I want someone to be emotional with me, but I'm learning. 

9.  We aren't rushing the future. I've found my soulmate, the one my heart desire and soul longs for. But that does not mean, I'm rushing to the alter. We are in no hurry to get hitched, and we are okay with that. It's a running joke between us that we are committed roommates. And honestly, I wouldn't want to be anyone else's committed roommate. We are just enjoying the moment we are in, and no wasting time planning out every step of our future. I love...LOVE...this right now and I see no reason to go any faster to the courthouse than necessary. 

10. We critique each other constantly. What it really comes down to is we are judgmental people and instead of taking our rath out on others constantly, we use it with each other. We are harsh and real with each other, but it only turns the heat up on our relationship more, I think. 

Remember I am NOT claiming these things will work in your relationship, but these are things that work in ours. They make our relationship one of a kind, enjoyable, and crazy. We love it!!! 

-XOXO

I Don't Recognize Me Anymore

Migraines, migraines...GO AWAY! You are ruining my life!! I am on my second round of prescription medicines now and still getting no relief. I had tests ran on Thursday. My EKG came back clear, and I will get my blood work results back sometime this coming week. My next step will be to go to a neurologist which has me a little antsy as you can imagine. The discussion between my doctor and I has already happened about going back on anti-depressants (apparently they my be able to bring me relief), but I asked her for that to be an absolute last option seeing as how I've already been on them and weened myself off. I am a much different person than I was a year ago...heck 4 months ago. 

Our move to Houston in October was seriously the best thing that could have happened to me. I cringe at what would have happened to me had we stayed in Central Texas. My mental health was declining rapidly, I was making more enemies than friends, I had lost hope and my sense of worth, I barely slept, my daily commute from Temple to Waco was wearing on me, I was unbearably negative, and I was mangling my relationship. I was no longer living life recklessly, but I wouldn't really call what I was doing as living either...I was more or less going through the motions. Moving to Houston not only saved my relationship with Justin, but very possibly saved my life too.

I think Justin and my family worry because I have not made much effort into making friends since the move, and I destroyed most of the ones I had before. Other than my HEB friends from Waco 1, I can count on 1 hand the amount of close friends I have left, most of which are male (not that this surprises anyone...I've never had a surplus of female friends). This doesn't bother me like it would have before though. As sad as this might sound, at 24 years old, I have decided that I don't need anymore people in my life that will bring drama to it, aid in my own self-hate, or encourage my negativity. I've always seemed to attract the same type of a girl as a friend...the girl in a terrible relationship that she thinks is perfect, constantly fights with her other girlfriends or has ridiculous amounts of family drama, doesn't really know where her life is headed, and is unbearably emotional. I've always been the one taking care of my friends and being "little momma" to everyone and never giving myself time alone, to heal from all the crap I've gone through over the years, or time to be a kid/teenager/young adult. I've been 30 since the day Dana was born. My rebellion stage lasted all of 2 months after my breakup when I was 22, and then a friend needed me so I was back to real life. So it was only natural that I have my midlife crisis at 23, right?!

I am so happy now. And not that fake shit that I was passing off as happy to everyone around me until I got home behind a closed door when Justin was at work and drink until the bottle was empty. Nope....I am glowing, laugh all the time, almost always have a smile on my face happy. I LOVE life. I...we...rarely ever drink anymore. Occasionally we go out to dinner and have a drink. Even more occasionally, we meet friends at the bar for a couple of drinks. And once every 3 or 4 months, we might actually go out-go out and let loose. Neither of us just really find fun in getting plastered every single night anymore, and we both enjoy it a little more when we can remember it. Plus, our relationship is so much healthier since we stopped getting hammered on the regs. I enjoy living life with Justin and going on adventures with him and trying to survive the big city. It's a rush!

I'm not overly obsessing about my future anymore. I could not be happier with my life right now. I'm not married and feeling the pressure of getting pregnant. I don't have kids and trying to figure how to not screw them up like me. Justin and I get asked regularly when we are getting married, and I laugh. We just got a dog together and that is about all of the commitment I can handle right now. I love this man with all of my heart, and I know one day he will make me the luckiest girl in the world when he gets down on his knee and asks for my hand, but right now...I'm still trying to recover my life from the wrecking ball I decided to let through it the first half of my 20's. I am so thankful I dodged the bullet of getting engaged at 22 when I decided to leave Tyler. I was so obsessed with the wedding aspect that I don't think the actual idea of marriage ever crossed my mind. He was just the first guy to ever tell me exactly what I wanted to hear. We were so young...and DUMB...very, very dumb. 

I have restored my faith in Christ. I sent an atomic bomb into that relationship just before leaving Tyler and left it unrecognizable. And it sat there, unrecognizable, for over a year and a half. I attempted a few times to pick up the Bible and put the pieces together, but every time I did...I found myself replaying why I blew it up in the first place. It was so difficult for me to rebuild that relationship when there were so many hands in the mix helping blow it to shreds. Looking back now, I see that the moments I was most lost and in the darkest places where the moments when I was pushing God away and denying His help that hardest. Every day is a journey to continue refocusing my faith and renewing my trust in Him, but I am closer than I have been in years.

Until recently, I've looked at the last 3 years as a nightmare-ish, blurry hell. Now I look at it as a blessing. I would not be where I am and who I am right now with out all the crap. I can't imagine having to relive any of that, but I can't imagine not having gone through it either. I have truly been blessed. Thank God, I don't recognize the girl I was anymore.

-XOXO

I am Stronger, Thanks to You

I am supposed to be cleaning my kitchen, doing laundry, and packing bags to head home to Waco for the weekend as soon as Justin gets off work at 11 tomorrow. But instead I find myself, longing to post a blog. I think I need to put this out there because I think over the last couple of years by being and not wanting to put anyone on blast, I have put a person on blast not meaning to. I read a blog tonight about a girl thanking the girl who her boyfriend cheated with. It honestly brought me nearly to tears. This girl said everything that I never found the strength or courage to say. Here is my follow up to her article:

So I don't know, and I never will, nor do I care at this point, 100% that I was ever ACTUALLY cheated on, but here is what I do know...things happened in my last relationship that were super freaking shady and I was made to feel over and over again for 3 years that I was being cheated on. A girl should never feel this way while in a relationship.

If you are in a relationship, you can't disappear off to a guys weekend at a school that is well known in Texas for their ragers and "Raider Rash" and not expect a couple texts or even a phone call. Call me crazy, but that just ain't going to fly with me. And when this does happen, you cannot come home talking about how drunk you got, that you blacked out, and all the girls you hung out with. No, sorry, that will make any sane girl go crazy.
Once you are in a relationship, the whole Mr. Nice Guy act has to cease to exist with other femles. You cannot go around calling other girls gorgeous and asking them about their relationship status. That is not okay. On any level.
And lastly, you can't opt in and out of your relationship whenever is convenient for you because I won't always be there waiting.

It has taken me two years to overcome some serious anger, grief, jealously, and revenge plotting, but I can finally openly discuss the above topics (and many more that are unmentioned) with out getting super pissed. Now I know I've been with Justin for about 2 years so you're probably wondering why it would take me so long to get over. Here's the thing, I am over the man who made me feel little, used, neglected, ugly, unworthy, and insane. What I wasn't over is the effects of all of those things. I've had scars and been carrying luggage around with me for that long. Do you know what kind of toll that amount of weight takes on a girl? You can't begin to imagine unless you've been there too. I've been incredibly blessed with a man who was patient while I worked through all of my emotions, mended myself, broke out of my loony cage a time or two, and stood beside me as my friend through all countless tears for those dark years.



I doubt my ex will ever read this, but in case he does...this is for him:
I am no longer angry with you nor do I hold a grudge. I spent months plotting my revenge against you, just to decide that wasn't good enough, and wind up back at the drawing boards; But that too, no longer exists. At one point, I felt sorry for you, but now...now there are no feelings at all. It was a rocky start when I ultimately decided to leave you. I took me months to finally follow through and stop pleading for you to love me when you couldn't love me all of the time. I don't ever doubt you loved me...that I know you did. What I do doubt is that you loved me 100% of the time the whole time we were together. By the time I convinced myself it was ultimately time to walk away, I think I had finally gotten through to you what I needed, but it unfortunately was too late. Let me reassure you, because I remember the rumors that flared up shortly after we ended, I never cheated on you. Sure, things looked shady from the outside looking in after we ended and yes, the last month and a half of our relationship I was typically nowhere to found, but I did nothing I couldn't look you in the eyes today and share with you.
I do need to thank you however...Thank you for being the first guy I loved and for being the first guy to truly break my heart. Thank you for breaking me so badly that I had no choice other then to roll over and stay or gain courage and walk away. Thank you for showing me that I deserve much more than settling for a guy who doesn't realize I'm a damn princess until its too late. Thank you for showing me how to rebel...those 2 months after our breakup were insane, I have no clue how you did it for so many years.
And here are my last words to you...Congratulations on turning your life around. You dodged a huge bullet when your past didn't catch up to you. I hope you find another princess one day, you recognize her worth, and you value her worth for the long haul...not just for a few months. I pray you become the man of God I know you've always desired to be. And I hope you found whatever it was you were looking for during all those years of rebelling, and I really hope it was worth all the shit we all went through with you. And lastly, I hope you ever see me on the street one day, we can all be adult enough to at least shake hands and wish each other well.


-XOXO

Fighting the Good Fight

HOLY FLYING PIGS!!! I am ALIVE! I finished grand opening my second HEB, and I am exhausted! But I survived and loved every minute of it. But now it's time to focus on myself, my little family, my business, and my home again. And you know how I know it's time to focus on me again? Because I found myself, on my knees, crying...bawling, pleading to God the other night. I allowed the stress of trying to balance my job, my business, my house, my dog, Justin, my family, and the world in general get in the way of my mental health. 

I don't say this nearly enough, but I am so thankful that I am able to find refuge in the kindest soul I have ever met day in and day out with the man that lays beside me every night. Living with me is not easy. And I know this because I have to live inside my head...which is more difficult. I fight the fight daily to stay sane, to be positive, to find motivation, to love, to get out of bed, to not binge, and to be the best boss, coach, girlfriend, mom, sister, and daughter I can be. I am so blessed to have so many patient and loving people around me.

However, none of this prosperity has come with out it's losses. If you've been reading my blog long, you know that I bid farewell last fall to 3 very special women in my life all because I had too much pride to admit I was wrong and I was in a really, really, really bad place in my life. This past week, I finally gained the strength and courage to apologize to the one I miss the most. While my heartfelt apology is still coming to the other two, I really felt God pulling me to apologize to M first and foremost. 

I swear I will never find another female who knows my soul the way she does. From the first time we met (tweeted one another), it was destiny. And then I let her down last summer when I failed to be a friend to anyone other than myself. The show was about me and me only. And I didn't have time for the show to be about anyone else. So unless the conversation was about me, I was completely checked out. I hurt my friends which lead me to losing them. Had I woken up then, I probably could have salvaged my relationship with the entire group. However we are 7 months down the road, and I am fairly certain that there is nothing left to salvage. My heart aches over this, but I realize I was 98% of the problem and can blame no one other than myself. 

If any of you 3 are reading this, know that I truly, from the deepest part of my heart, am sorry for the pain I caused, the negativity I brought forth, the horrible things I said, and the self indulgence I committed. I will always cherish you.

I'm going to go cuddle with that adorable pup of mine, drink some hot tea, and enjoy the peace while Justin is away for the weekend.

-XOXO  

I Got Old

So I have been 24 all of 5 days, and I have already formed an opinion on how I feel about it.

I'm nearly half way to 50. The grey hairs and wrinkles could show up any day now. 24 used to be something to look forward to when insurance price would drop, but now what do I have to look forward to? More credit card companies and spam contacting me. I got an email about my retirement plan...ON MY BIRTHDAY!! The looming guilt of not being close to finishing school yet. The ever prevalent question that Justin and I enjoy so much, "When are you going to settle down and have a family?" NEVER!! Is what I want to shout, but I just giggle the ridiculous question off and move on to the next subject..."Have you gained weight?" That's me in 26 years...

Because obviously I rule.

I also have a new skincare and vitamin regimen to look forward to prevent old age and keep me looking young. I refuse to have wrinkles. I think I'll start dying my hair now so no one can catch my grey hairs when they decide to arrive.

And then there is Justin turning 30 in 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to it only because he gets to go through everything first. At the same time, him turning 30 means, I'm next. UGH!!!

Obviously! DUH!

Here's the difference between 23 and 24 though...I am in control of my life from day 1. So if 24 sucks, I have no one to blame but me. However, I'm not going to let this new year suck. I'm determined to live it to the fullest, enjoy every precious moment, drink less, remember more, love stronger, treat my body better, work harder, and meet everyone of my goals no matter what it takes. I was out of control at 22 & 23 which was understandable considering I'd been a goody-goody my entire life. At 24, I have no reason to still be rebelling and acting a fool all of the time, but it also doesn't mean I can't have fun every once in awhile.

Perfectly said!!

While my over-analyzing self is hating 24, I'm going to make it a year to remember. 24 is the age I kick some ass! Bring it!!

-XOXO

The Lies I Hide Behind

Of all the people who know me personally, have met me a couple of times, or have just seen me in passing...I can pretty much guarantee about 90% of those people think I am a completely normal, well adjusted 20-something. If that 90% only knew what the other 10 % does, they'd be shocked, maybe even a little horrified. I hide behind walls upon walls of lies. Most people always see with a smile on my face, seconds away from laughter, and extremely positive.

Truth be told, I'm almost always moments away from being a basket case of tears, I smile and laugh to hide the pain in my eyes, and I can fake being positive like nobody's business. I remember my senior year realizing something was wrong with me, my brain didn't function the way I thought it should, but not truly understanding what was wrong with me. Three years ago, I finally admitted to battling depression after developing anxiety. I promised my family I would seek help, but I never did. I was terrified of what the doctors might tell me considering around that same time my dad was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My ex-boyfriend's family didn't really understand depression. They took it as that person did not have enough faith in God or did not pray enough so I never spoke a word of my inner-demons in fear of their disapproval.

A year and a half ago, I thought I'd finally defeated my battle. However, in January my depression came back into full swing. I've worked so hard since then to appear as normal as possible to everyone around me. Lately even that has become more than I can handle at times. I am flawed, bitter, and emotional. I find myself starting arguments with Justin for no reason, I cry at the most inconvenient times, and I barely sleep. I thank God that Justin has been so patient and loving. He has loved me through the pain, tears, and self-loathe. As I continue to pretend to be normal, I am finally seeking the help I should have sought after years ago with the encouragement of my amazing friends and boyfriend.

-XOXO

The Birthday Princess's Ultimate Wish List

In honor of my birthday swiftly approaching (in 10 days), I decided to make my wish list. Like every other female on the planet, I am addicted to Pinterest and rightfully so. I have pinned all kinds of ridiculous stuff so it's hard for someone to sift through the stuff I actually want and the things that I just think are cool.

This is my wish list/list of items every 20-something female needs in her life:

1. I run my own business (click here to check out my website), and the need to stay organized is a must between work, my business, this blog, school in the fall, Tarley's appointments, Justin's schedule and appointments, and finding brief moments for myself to remain sane. I have been on a quest for a few years now to find the ultimate planner to the point that I got on the computer and attempted designing my own...that didn't work out so well. I happened across Erin Condren and instantly fell in love. After I decided I was going to cough up the $65 or so for this planner one of my Y-sisters posted about it too. Naturally I commented on her feed to see what she had to say about the planners. One of her friends told us to check out Plum Paper on Etsy because it was cheaper and a better selection and you could do add ons. I am all in for cheaper so when I went to check out these planners, I died! I can add pages for my business, blog planning, extra notes pages, and more. Plus the designs are adorable, and I can have it monogrammed!! Obviously this is a must, and they are half the price of the Erin Condren even once I started adding stuff.

Plum Paper 2015 Planner $31

2. Every girl needs a Little Black Dress. I have one hanging in my closet that I adore. It's slim fitting, the perfect length (which is hard to find for a short girl like myself), and has pockets. However in recent years, this slim fitting steal from Target no longer flatters my once athletic body the way it once did. I think I found the perfect LBD for almost any body type though.

Found on Pinterest with no website info, but its to die for regardless.

3. We are all aspiring Trophy House Wives, and every Trophy House Wife needs the most adorable measuring cups ever. These Mason Jar Measuring Cups are a must, especially for all of us Southern Belles.

You can get these Mason Jar Measuring cups here for just $12.99.

4. Since I could remember I've wanted a handgun. I actually remember being more excited about turning 21 so I could get my CHL and purchase my first gun than I was about being of legal age to drink. I've had my eyes on this babe for awhile. A 9mm is the perfect size and weight to toss in a purse when on the go for the extra protection (side note: please don't toss)! And for a small lady like myself, the Ruger LC9 fits like a glove in my hand. If you are lucky enough to know a guy who works at Academy that can give you the 3point5 hookup like myself, you should buy him dinner...or date him.

This Ruger LC9 is available for purchase at Academy Sports & Outdoors for $409.99.

5. Speaking of guns...who doesn't want a hairdryer shaped like a Magnum Revolver?! We all need a hairdryer so get the most adorable one you can find.

This particular one has already been sold from Etsy, but I guarantee you can find more if you search hard enough.

6. A MK bag is a must in every girl's purse collection. While a classic Michael Kors is on all of our lists, I think the Kempton Nylon Tote is a must for any busy girl because it's easy to clean. I found a style on Macy's website that I absolutely love that is not available on the MK website, but any of the nylon tote collections are worth the splurge.

Currently on sale at Macy's for $95.99...originally $128.

7. Nude heels are a must in any sophisticated lady's wardrobe because you can do so much with them. I am super picky when it comes to the material on my heels though because I hate that patent leather look...so cheap. Steve Madden is my man when I am looking for a good pair heels though. He just knows what I like, I guess.

These were pinned from Piperlime.

8. Living in Houston now, I have found the necessity of a rain jacket. Do you know how difficult it is to find a rain jacket with a hood that isn't a kids though? Impossible! I don't want anything that's lined or hoodless. I took to Etsy when my search turned up empty in every possible store I could think of in Houston. I found this monogrammed babe and instantly fell in love.

You can find this Lilly inspired rain jacket for $64 here.

9. Gold Sparkly Leggings. Every white girl on the planet just screamed at the top of her lungs. I'm dying to get my hands on a pair of these beauts. For a night on the town or just to dress up a simple top for coffee with your bestie, these leggings are exactly what we all need.

R&M Boutique only has a size medium left in stock for $28, but you can find these in many other online boutiques too.

10. A killer makeup brush collection along with the best mascara money can buy should be at the top of every sassy diva's list. I may be a little biased, but Younique has the best makeup brushes I've  ever used and the 3D Fiber Lash Mascara takes your lashes from average to WOW without extensions and it's all natural...win, win.

 3D Fiber Lash Mascara is $29.

The Complete Brush Collection is $110.

11. I've searched high and low for the perfect pair of dancing boots that are cute too. A few years ago, I bought my first pair of Corral's, and I've been obsessed since. They don't have a large selection of square toes (which I prefer), but the leather soles are absolutely wonderful on the dance floor.

For $296 you can be boot-scootin-boogyin in these square toed Corrals.

12. James Avery has to be one of my favorite jewelry stores, besides Tiffany's and David Yurman of course, however no 20-something should be wearing muli-thousand dollar ring on her hand unless it's her wedding ring. James Avery has the ring that our inner princess is dying for and I think the little crown is too adorable not to add to our jewelry collection.

James Avery's Crown Ring at $69 is one a princess can't pass up.

13. Whether you enjoy a good wine drunk every now and then or you're a lush, investing in a good wine aerator will change your opinion on the taste of wine completely. You don't have to spend a lot for a good one either. You can find a Vinturi for about $20. Texas locals can find them at HEB in the Cook & Grill department.

Vinturi Clear Red Wine Aerator

14. Invest in matching black, white, and nude lingerie sets along with a nightie. As a pre-professional or professional it's good to not be wearing a hot pink glittered thong and leopard bra in an important meeting or interview. And the nightie is good to have when you have guests over or you stay at someone else's house because you can't always sleep naked or be seen in your mismatched, stained pajamas (it's not very grown up). Catch Victoria's Secret during a semi-annual sale (during the 3 J months...January, June, and July), and you can make out like a bandit with all of these things. You might still spend over $100, but you will save a couple hundred and be totally worth it.

15. Last, but not least, you are an adult your home (kitchen) needs to reflect that. Onieda silverware and Corelle dishes should be a staple. You need stuff that will hold up without giving up your personality or breaking the bank. These are perfect gifts to ask for Christmas. What parents/grandparents wouldn't be more proud if you asked for something like this as a gift?!

This Corelle pattern is currently on sale for $63.99...originally $79.99.

Go celebrate my birthday month, and buy a few of these items for yourself...I know I am!! Something on your wish list that wasn't on mine? Comment below with those items...I love to discover new things I just might need!!

-XOXO

Puppy Days with Tarley

Justin found the best gift ever for Christmas. Well really it was a gift to each other, but that's besides the point. On Christmas day we picked up our 10 week old Australian Sheppard male. Justin voted to name him Tarley after dismissing all of my suggestions...and so he was deemed Tarley. If you watch Game of Thrones, you more than likely understand where the name comes from. However if you are much less of a nerd than Justin and you did not understand the reference it comes from Game of Thrones...Sam Tarley and the House of Tarley. 

He's going to be so big!!

The last 2 week has been crazy in our house with a new puppy. I have realized I am not ready for kids...I mean I already knew that, but this just confirmed everything. I have a really crazy work schedule most weeks that conflicts with Justin's equally crazy schedule. And this heathen child has made sleep next to impossible. I can take this fool to the park 3 times for an hour to 30 minutes each, and he still has enough energy to tear my apartment down to the beams and foundation. 

7am trip to the park, and Justin was still in bed. 

This dog is psychotic and insists that he is human. He is Justin's mini-me (they have the same dang eyes, I swear)! He loves his daddy. I am learning that he is not a fan of vehicles or automatic doors at stores. He flips out and runs the other way. He's adorable, and the little shit knows it. He thinks EVERYONE he meets should pet him. It is absolutely ridiculous. 

Looook at those eyes!!!!

Last night, Tarley peed in the house, and I told Justin it was his turn to deal with it. He got up took Tarley outside, showed him his accident on my floor, and patted him on the butt. Oy vey! I can already see what raising children is going to look like with this man. When I commented on it, his response was, "Did you see the way he was looking at me? He was letting me know that he already knew he was in trouble and he wouldn't do it again." Seriously?! I'm in big trouble with these two. 

My little family on New Year's Eve. And yes, Tarley is cheesin hard!! 

I'll keep y'all posted on all the happenings with Mr. Tarley in posts titled "Puppy Days with Tarley" since I am certain there will be some blog worthy happening with the little lunatic.

-XOXO

Social Media Strikes Again

This post is going to come as a surprise to many, and others...well you're just going to get it. One of my goals this year is to blog more, Facebook less. Wait, what? Don't I run my business mostly on Facebook? Yes, I do. And honestly if it wasn't for Younique, I would not have a Facebook right now.

I recognize it is 2015 and we are generation that literally lives our day to day lives through social media however when the majority of the population begins taking social media too far that is when I no longer have interest in it. Take for instance my previous post "I Will Always Judge Your Rock," was a rebuttal based a large group of ladies on my Facebook thread getting upset about an article that was meant more to be humerus and comical than to be pathetic or cruel. Now one could argue my rebuttal was me taking those ladies's rants too seriously, but I was taking those rants just as they were...RANTS...and providing some support to the writer of the cleaver article and the people who thought it was hilarious enough to repost. I mean I had 3 guys "like" that article on my page, it was obviously entertaining to them. The comments I got back on my blog weren't my favorites, and the old Niki would have taken to arguing with these girls in order to stand up for herself, deleted the blog post, or even apologized. Social media has forced us to be overly apologetic. And when I started this blog my main goal was to be ME, completely 100% me, no apologies, no lies, and a place for me to speak my mind...don't like it? Keep moving!

 The moment I realized I hated Facebook is the moment I had to delete every single family member from my page because a handful of them ruined it for everyone else. Half of my family is blocked, and the other half just thinks my page no longer exists. It's sad that it had to come to that, but when I started getting text messages about things I was posting or negative comments on a relatively positive post, I knew it was over. So I deleted my Facebook. It was gone for almost 6 magical months. Then I discovered Younique. But I knew I couldn't allow those people on my page in this new stage of my life. I also knew I could not pick and choose. It was all or no one...so no one it was. All because a handful of people couldn't handle understanding social media is meant as a platform for feelings, beliefs, life events, so on. Negativity had to ambush me and my posts almost daily.

Justin and I are friends of a couple that just got engaged. He hasn't been on Facebook for several months (a round of applause!) and she is a social media guru much like myself. He started his Facebook back up just after their engagement, but posted about how it was temporary and that after the Marine Corp Reunion in July, he would be deleting again, but they could add this joint account to keep up with him. She had already started a joint account for them and had been warning everyone she would be deleting her personal account soon and if anyone wanted to keep up with the two of them, they would need to add this new account. Well after seeing his post and reading some of the comments, I was intrigued. I opened his post more to read all of the comments and the negativity that showered this poor guy/couple was unreal. People assuming that these two don't think they can be individuals any longer now that they are engaged, trust issues, you name it...it was there. But what it really comes down to is she is on social media all the time, she is always connected much like my self, and he is like Justin and literally couldn't give two shits about social media, especially Facebook, but he uses it to keep in contact with the guys from the corp mostly. However the way we have begun to view social media is just like those people commented...a joint account signifies to most people distrust or disloyalty or a couple's inability to continue seeing themselves as individuals once them commit their lives to one another.

I love social media. I enjoy being connected and to freely voice myself, to network with total strangers, and view the world differently, but it is a struggle for me to desire staying connected when people are total Debbie Downers about everything they see on Facebook or on social media in general. The moment we begin to be constantly angered, upset, or start arguments on these different platforms is the moment it no longer is a fun way to sound off or keep up with our buddies. 

I added a few social media "memes" I felt we would all enjoy!

-XOXO

#FlushingMyFears

This morning a post a Facebook struck a cord with me. Britnie Kaplan is a fellow Younique presenter and an amazing trainer. Although we have never met, we are Facebook friends because mostly I'm obsessed with her and her business. This girl is a total rock star, gorgeous, talented, I mean seriously the list could go on forever. She always posting such inspiring things, and this morning was one of those inspiring posts. She challenged everyone to flush their fears with her.

You're are looking at me like I'm stupid right now wondering what the heck I mean by that...She wrote all of her fears on a piece of paper, tore it into shreds, tossed them in her toilet, and flushed them away. At first, I thought okay this is really cool, but is anyone going to do it with her? Why would I even ask that question, I have no idea. Get on your choice of social media platform whether it's Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter and search #FlushingMyFears...it brought me to tears. So naturally I had to join in on this excitement in my own way...

Last week, I made a list of my goals for my business and what it would take to get me there. I started Younique because Justin and I needed the extra flow of money without the requirement of an actual 2nd job. I sold Mary Kay before and gave up because I didn't do well with it so my past was already against me. When I sat down to draw up my goals last week, I was desperate for change. I've been selling enough each month to barely keep me active. Therefore the money I make is not even close to what I want for Justin and I. I knew what I needed to do. Since the moment I started this business, my fear has been that I will never meet my goals with it and that I will just fall out of it like I did with Mary Kay. I just want to make money to get Justin and I out of debt and keep us from living pay check to pay check every single week.

The next 5 kind of all go together. I have been battling staying motivated all of 2014. I don't follow through on anything, keep my house clean, eat right, work out, ect. I'd rather continue gaining weight then go for a jog or eat a salad, and we all know how much I loved my skinny, toned high school body. I don't want to cook for Justin and I ever and cleaning the kitchen afterwards is a whole other story. I am terrified I will never regain my motivation and that I will remain content getting plump and living a mediocre life. And due to a lack of motivation, I have become a procrastinator. I've dropped out of college twice now because I procrastinated so much on school work. I procrastinate everything to the point that I flat out forget what I am supposed to be doing. And honestly procrastination is running my life. I have this fear of not being good enough. I am constantly worried that I will never be good enough to/for anyone because frankly I can't even live up to my own standards so how can I please anyone else?  I want to be this incredible athlete and student that I once was but I can't stay motivated long enough to do either so I just procrastinate until the next day. And any time I feel like things are finally going my way, I get excited about something, I get my HOPES up about something, it usually goes to crap. I got the pleasure of watching myself lose hope in so many things this past year. Mostly because after 23 years of watching almost everything go wrong that I had hoped for, I was tired of wishing for things...hoping for things. This led to my ultimate demise over the summer when my battle with depression became a front runner in my life. I am terrified I will always have to live fearing the worst in myself.

And this might be the toughest one for me to admit...I'm scared of not being capable of fully trusting the people I surround myself with. After a few relationships that were full of secrets, never knowing if I can believe anything that comes out of my dad's mouth, and having friends run behind me telling people things over and over again, trust is my weakest point. I fight the urge every single day to not trust everything Justin says to me. He has never given me a reason to not trust him, but at my past haunts me and reminds me how many times before I had trusted others who weren't trustworthy. How difficult is that to live with everyday...let me tell you, incredibly.

(Side note don't pay too close of attention to my toilet...we do live in apartment and they aren't always known for the nicest amenities.)

So today I took my fears and flushed them. Today I start living a life that is not restrained by fear. And I hope I am able to keep this up past today.

-XOXO

Closure in 2014

In light of everyone being nostalgic and sentimental about 2014, I thought I'd do the same. 2013 was a rough year for me, and in some aspects 2014 was even rougher, but I have absolute faith 2015 is going to rock my socks off. So here is my closing adieu for 2014:

As I am swiftly approaching my 24th year, I have had to come to terms with the fact that my outline for my life has not gone as planned. As a kid, I'd assumed I'd meet my future husband in college, by the age of 22 I'd be engaged, and sometime around my graduation from Grad school at 24 I would be marrying this fratty Southern gent I envisioned. In 2014, I was forced to seek closure in the fact that I won't even be applying for Grad school by my 24th birthday, but rather applying for University of Houston to finally complete my undergrad. Most days, I am so over joyed with how happy I am with my life currently, that my life outline is not even a thought in my mind, but there have been days when that has been my only thought. I have been cruel to myself with name calling and judgement and disapproval for not having my life together by now. Closure has brought me consistent happiness though. This month, I forced myself to no longer judge my life based on outline that 15 year old me drew up for myself because there has been so many roadblocks, turns, pit stops, and necessary detours I have had to make along the way, that I could not have ever predicted.

In 2013, I let go of a love that the flame had long since burned out on, and found myself lighting flame to a new candle. And in 2014, we have proved our love to each other, ourselves, and the world over and over again. I'm certain that I would not be entering 2015 with such high spirits or open arms without Justin by my side. He reminds me daily that I am so much more than I give myself credit, that love isn't easy but it is totally worth working for, and that life is not some predetermined outline from my 15 year old self, but it's what I make of it every moment of every day. He took me in when I was certain I had just blown up my life, encouraged me when I was fighting the urge to thrown in the towel, held my hand when I finally found the strength to stand up for myself, and helped me become stronger, more independent, and fiercer than I have ever been. The man is the purest definition of unconditional love if I have ever seen one. I am blessed to be able to call him mine.

Justin and I at Thanksgiving with his grandparents this year. 

My faith and religion has desperately been a struggle point for me this year. With all that I had been through in 2013 and the beginning of 2014, it was almost expected. For years, I clung to this idea of God, faith, and religion that had been forced down my throat since the day I first breathed. Then at some point, I began using religion as a way to have something in common with other or to please others. My faith was selfish and unworthy. I find myself today completely confused in what it is I believe as far as my religion goes, but much more in love with The Lord and more honest with Him and myself that I have been in years. I'm not as religious as I have been in the past, but I am working on rebuilding a very broken and distressed relationship with my Savior. For that I am grateful for his constant forgiveness and love for me.

My two favorite guys, Loneliness and Depression, paid me a very interesting visit this year. They encouraged me to binge drink, lose motivation, find misery in every situation, and even briefly consider self-harm. They pushed me further than they ever had before. I battled them to their demise however. Every now and then they attempt to visit, but I am more powerful than them for once and they soon slip back into the shadows.

Last, but not least, I have learned more than ever about relationships. I have ended some, began many, restarted a few, maintained most, and even worked construction on a couple. I have learned when to say no, when to apologize and when not to, how to love, how to fight, and most of all why they are so important. I cannot thank everyone who has been apart of my life in 2014 enough, even if we called a truce and walked away from one another, I assure you each of you impacted my life dramatically this year.

Mom and I enjoying some final moments together on the boat just before my move to Houston. 

Dana, RE, and I at Tara's wedding in November acting fools as usual. 

2015 is already looking better from where I am standing. Justin and I already have a lot of exciting plans, and a girl can always use a fresh start. I just hope 2015 is ready for ME!

-XOXO

I Will Always Judge Your Rock

So there is this hilarious article going around Facebook right now about 4 ways girls judge their friends on Facebook when they get engaged. It is insanely comical in my opinion. Now I have seen 4 girls who are married or engaged ranting about it on Facebook so here's my rebuttle...

1.) I'm not judging because I'm jealous. I am perfectly happy withmy relationship. I love where we are at. I do not wish for it to move any faster then is necessary, and I am comfortable with the outlooks on my future with Justin. 

2.) I do not wish unhappiness upon anyone's engagement or marriage. However, I will judge the cliché of how your boyfriend proposed, the annoying fact you got engaged over a holiday so that your boyfriend could get out of getting you a gift, and your rock. I will ALWAYS judge a girl's rock. 

3.) You may be engaged or married now, but you cannot tell me as a fellow female you have not say back and judged your friends' engagements while being exceptionally happy for them. As females we are wired to do so. And it's not so much judging as it is analyzing. After watching many of my friends get engaged and married, I now know the dos and don'ts of what I want for my future special days. 

So before you get your panties in a wad, remember where you were before the man of your dreams proposed...sitting right beside me, judging and stalking. It's an art, ladies. That we have all mastered. I'm not wishing horrible things upon your happiness, loathing you for achieving said happiness, nor am I jealous. I'm just doing what ever unwed/unengaged female does...judging your engagement. I wish you all the best and I congratulate you with all of the sincerity in the world   Now go enjoy your fiancé or husband while I enjoy my incredible boyfriend knowing that the article was more for comedic relief than seriousness. 

-XOXO

Defining 2014 As A Wonderful Mess

It's no secret that this year has been anything but my best year yet, but it has been my most defining year. With the end of 2014 quickly approaching, I find myself struggling to put in words how I feel. I have been blessed with many opportunities and gifts alongside some disappointments and heartache. I've struggled with negativity. Battled myself more than I ever have. Between my family issues, being diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety, claiming my friendship with 3 wonderful girls as a goner, setting focus on my goals, and the move to Houston, I have become most aware of who I really am then I have ever been.

I am obviously incredibly thankful for the man that I am lucky enough to call my better half. Without him I'd still be floating around with my head barely above water and only trying to please everyone around me without a worry in the world about what I want. Because of him I will be going back to school in the fall for my bachelors in Architecture. Justin was the life line that I could have used many moons before, but his timing was impeccable. I struggled with our relationship in the beginning because I was fresh out of the very serious and committed relationship. And he struggled to find a balance between the friend he'd always been to me and loving me as more than a friend. I am so thankful for our struggles, our adventures, and the time we have shared together. This last year, I have finally understood what it looks like to have a man by my side and not in front of me. The support and love Justin always shows me is what helped make this year a little softer of a blow. I am stronger, more driven, and more motivated than I have been since high school.

I am blessed with 2 amazing companies that absolutely spoil me. The first being HEB which has given me the ability to easily move to Houston, allowed me to have incredibly affordable insurance, and unexpectedly gives me bonuses and benefits when timing couldn't be any more eminent. I came to HEB hating every aspect of retail, especially the management. I have been absolutely blessed now with not just one, but two, management teams for whom I have the utmost respect and love for. My team at Waco 1 was one of a kind. They were my dream team and will always hold a special place in my heart. They were my friends, coaches, cheerleaders, shoulders to cry on. I honestly do not know what would have happened to me if I hadn't been lucky enough to have them at my side when I was going through everything. And now in Houston, I have an amazing manager who has taken me under his wing. My transition to Houston could have been a lot more difficult, but I found Jeff. In February, I will be helping open my second HEB as Jeff''s lead and I could not be more thrilled. He and Alan manage very similarly as well as have similar personality traits which has been an absolute blessing to me because I know I don't have someone just blowing smoke up my butt.

My second company is obviously Younique. I have been in absolute awe of the amazing women who have done nothing but encourage, love, pray for, and teach me since the moment I became a presenter. I am able to give Justin and I a date night once a month with the money I make from Younique and that is plenty for me. Most of these women I have not had the pleasure of meeting personally, but that has not changed anything for a moment. I have a better relationship with some of them then I have with people who are actually in front of me. God placed Younique and these amazing women in my life at just the right time.

Lastly, I have to love on mine and Justin's families. I had a rocky start at the beginning of the year with my own family, that strengthened the bond I had already built with Justin's mom and brother. A bond which I will always be thankful for. I know that at the end of the day I could go to either of those two about anything, and they would do everything in their power to help me out. They have been mine and Justin's saviors many times in the last year. And after months of barely speaking and trying to work things out, I am thankful for the relationship I have been able to repair with my family. We may not always see eye to eye, but they are finally learning that I am going to live my life according to my own decisions. Those "lost months" were difficult for me, but I knew I had to stand my ground. Today, I am completely thankful for the determination I had, the ones who stood by me and let me know it was okay what I was doing, and ultimately the love that my family endures for me that led them back to me. Things still aren't perfect for us, but we take everything with a grain of salt and day by day. I don't expect them to always agree with my decision or have something positive to say about my goals any longer, and they no longer expect me to walk in  room and not shock them with some big news I need to share.

I'd be lost and alone without those I listed above. A year ago, I was barely hanging onto an tube in the middle of the ocean with air leaking fast. The best thing that could have happened to me was exactly what did. I'd be absolutely foolish to think otherwise. So 2014 thank you for being so defining...I fought back the desire to use the word tragic. Thank you for the many blessing I accrued. And a HUGE thank you to every single person (or group) I mentioned. Sincerely, thank you! My life is still a mess, but it would not be the wonderful mess it is now without each of you playing your role.

-XOXO   

ISO: A Best Friend

I read a blog earlier that a girl wrote to her best friend. A thank you letter. After reading it, I became consumed with this emptiness inside me. I have no one in my life with whom I feel that way towards currently...other than Justin who does not count for obvious reasons. My entire life, I have had a small group of 2 or 3 close friends for a few years then we were no longer in the same classes, or they moved away, or we lost touch the second we walked the stage, or college and relationships got too serious, or my ever frequent excuse...we got pissed at each other. I have a collection of friends, but none are my "soul mate." None that I can truly say are my BEST friend. I love my friends and all of the support they provide me, but I long for the relationship that every other girl on this planet seems to have and I am completely missing.

I long for a friend who gets pissed off at me and tells me. I'm tired of GIRLS who either a.) just stop talking to me so that I never find out what I did wrong to anger her or b.) starts talking behind my back and makes snotty ass comments in the midst of making up so that I no longer want to continue the friendship. I am far from perfect and I am not reminded of that enough at times. Other times, I am not loved enough for my imperfections. Cain't a girl just get some love?! Don't be a bitch about it, but tell me when I am being selfish, and then love me while I try to fix it. I am selfish a lot. But I guarantee 90 % of the time I don't realize it because it's always been me, myself, and I. Don't act like a basic bitch. I don't have time to play these childish games. I want someone who will be real with me, fight with me, and love me at the end of every day. I am so tired of listening to girls who act like a basic bitch complain about other basic bitches. Hello, you were doing that exact thing 2 days ago!!

I want someone to vent to. Do you know how hard it is to vent to your boyfriend about your boyfriend? It does not work. Justin is so patient and loving that he almost always listens and doesn't complain, but it has caused problems. Sometimes I need to vent about girl problems, and Justin doesn't seem to grasp the fact that when I say I'm dying from cramps during my menstrual cycle that I really feel like my insides will erupt all over the bedroom. A much more bloody, gory, graphic mess then he ever saw in war, and I fully understand that seriousness of my statement. I want someone that I can call in the middle of the night who will come over with Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream and a Big Red in hand to cry with. I can't remember the last time I had a good cry session with a friend while watching a chick flick. And let me tell you...it is way over due. 

I need an accountability partner and someone who will help me stay motivated. I'm not talking about someone who is going to sit on the other end of the phone cramming down their 3rd slice of pizza while telling me I can train for a 10k. No. I NEED someone who will drag my ass out of my house, stand on the track with a megaphone, and scream at me how worthless I am until I'm puking and crying simultaneously if that's what it takes. I need someone who wants me to meet my dreams and goals just as much, if not more than me. I need someone who challenges me and makes me better every day. 

I want your family to invite me in like I am another one of their kids, and I guarantee you my mom will do just that with you. I want us to be apart of one another's families not just each others lives. You're my soul mate, my sister from another mister, the void in my heart that a man just cannot fill. You are going to be one of the most important people in my life for eternity so you might as well be apart of the family too. 

And last but not least, I want someone who loves me for who I am. Every flaw, scar, secret, mistake. I don't want to wear a mask or pretend to someone I just am not. I want to feel comfortable sharing my darkest of secrets with you. You can judge me, just as long as you love me through it. Because I will do the same for you. I'm just tired of lying about loving Mean Girls. I think it is a terrible movie because that is exactly how girls act these days. Please don't be a mean girl. Just love me for me. I promise you this, if you become my best friend...I will love you with all of my heart. We will have a Rory and Lane kind of relationship. I want to ache when I miss you and feel relieved of that when we are together. I am often told I love too fast and too hard. Despite all of my failed friendships...I love each and everyone of those girls still to this very day. 

I am taking applications so apply within.

-XOXO