Bad Boys. Bad Boys.

Netflix is a death trap, and Gilmore Girls is my obsession. I remember being in grade school, the bus would drop us off at 3:45 or so at our house, and my siblings and I would rush into the house, grab our snack, throw our bags into our rooms, and watch Gilmore Girls that came on at 4. I remember laughing and crying with Rory and Lorelai, living vicariously through their lives, falling in love with Dean when Rory did, broken-hearted when they broke up, giddy when they got back together, falling for Jess (who we will be returning to), and so on. I was Rory. Or at least I pretended I was. I wanted to be her. I dreamed of going to Harvard for years with her. About the time she went to Yale, I woke up from make believe land enough to realize I would never go to an Ivy League school.

So today, I am binge watching Gilmore Girls per my typical day off schedule when suddenly I discover Jess all over again. And I have a flashback. Ok many flashbacks. Oh Jess! I hated him at first. I thought he was scum, a low life, and would never be good enough for Rory and I. And then quicker then a flash of light, I fell in love with him. Behind that bad boy thing, he was an incredible guy. Plus, I was pretty certain he was the most attractive guy I had ever seen. Which I had thought the same about Dean at first, and then Stars Hollow and I met Jess, and Dean became number 2. I was so pissed at Rory for falling for Jess at first, but then I fell in love with him too and wondered why it had taken both of us so long and me even longer than her.

You are welcome to judge me, but if you were a Gilmore Girls fan girl like myself, I know you get it.

Jess. Jess, Jess, Jess. At 16, I knew from the moment I first fell in love with him, that my mother was going to kill me when I got older. I had fallen for a bad boy, and I would never be the same again. And I wasn't. Let's look back on my past relationships...they have all been bad boys. Oh and Justin is no saint either. I have a thing for bad boys, and it all started with Jess. Darn, you Rory! We should have stayed with Dean forever. Maybe my love life wouldn't have been such a disaster in high school and college. Maybe I would be married to a nice Southern, Christian Fraternity boy just as I had dreamed...nahhh. Who am I kidding?

We all go through a "bad boy phase." I however never grew out of it. I just finally found someone who is ready to put his bad boy phase behind up and be a grown up with me. I remember when Justin and I first met. I honestly had similar feelings about him as I did the first time we met Jess. Justin was wild and crazy and adventurous and didn't look like he would be the type of guy who would ever settle down. He loved to party and date and do stupid things. I on the other hand was in an incredibly committed relationship, didn't party or drink, and I was 19 and terrified of my parents. Just like Rory I became friends with the irresistibly interesting bad boy thinking that there would be no harm in that. 3 years later I found myself falling in love with that same bad boy although much more matured and not as much of scum as I had originally painted him out to be. And now, a year and a half later, I find myself living with him, being my date to weddings, indirectly making wedding plans as we make fun of those weddings we venture to, nagging one another, and enjoying life together.

Meeting Jess again today, brings back a lot of emotions. I know I sound crazy. But if I really had to thank anyone for my current relationship, I honestly feel that I would have to think Rory and Jess. I learned a lot from the two of them. Mostly, that there is reason a boy turned bad and you should never push that, give him his space, and at some point he will chase you harder than you've ever been chased before. He just needs some time to realize this real. I think with the prior 3 boys, I pushed too much. They always realized what they lost once it was too late, but this time I let the boy chase me and mature at his own speed.

-XOXO