So I don't know, and I never will, nor do I care at this point, 100% that I was ever ACTUALLY cheated on, but here is what I do know...things happened in my last relationship that were super freaking shady and I was made to feel over and over again for 3 years that I was being cheated on. A girl should never feel this way while in a relationship.
If you are in a relationship, you can't disappear off to a guys weekend at a school that is well known in Texas for their ragers and "Raider Rash" and not expect a couple texts or even a phone call. Call me crazy, but that just ain't going to fly with me. And when this does happen, you cannot come home talking about how drunk you got, that you blacked out, and all the girls you hung out with. No, sorry, that will make any sane girl go crazy.
Once you are in a relationship, the whole Mr. Nice Guy act has to cease to exist with other femles. You cannot go around calling other girls gorgeous and asking them about their relationship status. That is not okay. On any level.
And lastly, you can't opt in and out of your relationship whenever is convenient for you because I won't always be there waiting.
It has taken me two years to overcome some serious anger, grief, jealously, and revenge plotting, but I can finally openly discuss the above topics (and many more that are unmentioned) with out getting super pissed. Now I know I've been with Justin for about 2 years so you're probably wondering why it would take me so long to get over. Here's the thing, I am over the man who made me feel little, used, neglected, ugly, unworthy, and insane. What I wasn't over is the effects of all of those things. I've had scars and been carrying luggage around with me for that long. Do you know what kind of toll that amount of weight takes on a girl? You can't begin to imagine unless you've been there too. I've been incredibly blessed with a man who was patient while I worked through all of my emotions, mended myself, broke out of my loony cage a time or two, and stood beside me as my friend through all countless tears for those dark years.
I doubt my ex will ever read this, but in case he does...this is for him:
I am no longer angry with you nor do I hold a grudge. I spent months plotting my revenge against you, just to decide that wasn't good enough, and wind up back at the drawing boards; But that too, no longer exists. At one point, I felt sorry for you, but now...now there are no feelings at all. It was a rocky start when I ultimately decided to leave you. I took me months to finally follow through and stop pleading for you to love me when you couldn't love me all of the time. I don't ever doubt you loved me...that I know you did. What I do doubt is that you loved me 100% of the time the whole time we were together. By the time I convinced myself it was ultimately time to walk away, I think I had finally gotten through to you what I needed, but it unfortunately was too late. Let me reassure you, because I remember the rumors that flared up shortly after we ended, I never cheated on you. Sure, things looked shady from the outside looking in after we ended and yes, the last month and a half of our relationship I was typically nowhere to found, but I did nothing I couldn't look you in the eyes today and share with you.
I do need to thank you however...Thank you for being the first guy I loved and for being the first guy to truly break my heart. Thank you for breaking me so badly that I had no choice other then to roll over and stay or gain courage and walk away. Thank you for showing me that I deserve much more than settling for a guy who doesn't realize I'm a damn princess until its too late. Thank you for showing me how to rebel...those 2 months after our breakup were insane, I have no clue how you did it for so many years.
And here are my last words to you...Congratulations on turning your life around. You dodged a huge bullet when your past didn't catch up to you. I hope you find another princess one day, you recognize her worth, and you value her worth for the long haul...not just for a few months. I pray you become the man of God I know you've always desired to be. And I hope you found whatever it was you were looking for during all those years of rebelling, and I really hope it was worth all the shit we all went through with you. And lastly, I hope you ever see me on the street one day, we can all be adult enough to at least shake hands and wish each other well.
-XOXO
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