Fighting the Good Fight

HOLY FLYING PIGS!!! I am ALIVE! I finished grand opening my second HEB, and I am exhausted! But I survived and loved every minute of it. But now it's time to focus on myself, my little family, my business, and my home again. And you know how I know it's time to focus on me again? Because I found myself, on my knees, crying...bawling, pleading to God the other night. I allowed the stress of trying to balance my job, my business, my house, my dog, Justin, my family, and the world in general get in the way of my mental health. 

I don't say this nearly enough, but I am so thankful that I am able to find refuge in the kindest soul I have ever met day in and day out with the man that lays beside me every night. Living with me is not easy. And I know this because I have to live inside my head...which is more difficult. I fight the fight daily to stay sane, to be positive, to find motivation, to love, to get out of bed, to not binge, and to be the best boss, coach, girlfriend, mom, sister, and daughter I can be. I am so blessed to have so many patient and loving people around me.

However, none of this prosperity has come with out it's losses. If you've been reading my blog long, you know that I bid farewell last fall to 3 very special women in my life all because I had too much pride to admit I was wrong and I was in a really, really, really bad place in my life. This past week, I finally gained the strength and courage to apologize to the one I miss the most. While my heartfelt apology is still coming to the other two, I really felt God pulling me to apologize to M first and foremost. 

I swear I will never find another female who knows my soul the way she does. From the first time we met (tweeted one another), it was destiny. And then I let her down last summer when I failed to be a friend to anyone other than myself. The show was about me and me only. And I didn't have time for the show to be about anyone else. So unless the conversation was about me, I was completely checked out. I hurt my friends which lead me to losing them. Had I woken up then, I probably could have salvaged my relationship with the entire group. However we are 7 months down the road, and I am fairly certain that there is nothing left to salvage. My heart aches over this, but I realize I was 98% of the problem and can blame no one other than myself. 

If any of you 3 are reading this, know that I truly, from the deepest part of my heart, am sorry for the pain I caused, the negativity I brought forth, the horrible things I said, and the self indulgence I committed. I will always cherish you.

I'm going to go cuddle with that adorable pup of mine, drink some hot tea, and enjoy the peace while Justin is away for the weekend.

-XOXO