My Gratitude

4 years ago last month, I met this strange, interesting, intelligent guy whom I have the pleasure of calling my boyfriend now. I remember our first serious interaction at work was when I was walking to the front of the store, and I could see him creepin through the manager's booth. He was my creeper from then on out. He gets so flustered when I tell that story. It's adorable.

I used to text Justin every Thursday about going to Wild West to go dancing with Brooke and I. And he would always show. I have always been able to count on him. He's honestly the one person who has always been there for when I needed him, no questions asked. And he's the only person I've ever always been there for, no questions asked every single time. It doesn't matter where we were in life these last four years, if one of us called (or texted rather) the other was there in a flash. I drove to College Station in the middle of the night one night when I had work at 7 the next morning to go dancing with him because he asked. I met him at the bar more times then I can count because he just needed someone to sit on the barstool next to him that was familiar. He was there for my birthdays, late night cram sessions, and the inevitable heartbreak. No questions asked. I called, he came running.

In the last year, I have really taken that for granted. This morning, I was looking at my Timehop App when I was reminded of this. I posted a status 3 years ago about how I can never count on anyone's promises and that I'm always too quick to get my hopes up. Let's now take a short troll back to 3 years ago...I was dating Tyler, and 3 years ago yesterday would have been one of our anniversaries. I remember that anniversary well. That whole year of the relationship actually. Anyways, Tyler couldn't come down for our anniversary because of work so we were supposed to have a skype date. I was soooo excited. I did my hair and makeup and got dressed up really cute like it was a real date. I even cleaned my bedroom which was a big deal back in college. Well, the date was cancelled that night, and the next, and the next. Promises never held true in that relationship and I was feeling it hard that night.

So today as I was thinking about how I felt, 3 years ago, I became extremely grateful, even more so than normal, for my near perfect relationship with Justin, I have never felt like my hopes were too high or I couldn't count on his promises or that I was second in his life to anyone other than his momma, which is a given. I take for granted entirely too often how accountable Justin is and has been in my life. Last year when I needed to move out of my mom's, he was in Waco with the truck waiting for me when I got off work to load up my stuff. When I couldn't take living in Temple anymore surrounded by people who's goals did date any further than the next day, he got a job in Houston, found us a home, and brought me here as soon as he could. It would have been sooner if it hadn't been so difficult for me to get a job. Any time I need to vent, he's there. A shoulder to cry on, his arms are open. And even someone to yell at because it's been one of those weeks, he there with a bear hug, kiss on the forehead, and cup of tea. I put that man through hell and back day after day, yet almost weekly when I'm having doubts about my worth, he's there promising me he isn't going anywhere. He never goes anywhere.

He is one of the most selfless, encouraging, generous, forgiving, and loving individuals I've ever met. I used to tell his he was shallow when he was dating before me because he has this list that I swore no woman could ever meet, and he wouldn't deem her dateable if she didn't meet his criteria. I still think he's a little shallow, but I'm thankful I meet his standards. I'm thankful that he's willing to put up with all my bullshit, self loathing, and bitchyness. Our relationship has been easy from day one, every day we wake up is new struggles we have to overcome, but I honestly couldn't ask for a better person to yell at, cry with, laugh uncontrollably with, attempt to make out with, love, and sleep next to than Justin. He's my best friend, most trusted confidant, and holds my future in his hands (which no longer scares the shift out of me...we have come such a long way)!

J, I know you're reading this...thanks for always being the one person in my crazy, screwed up life who's proven to me that promises are real, taught me that love doesn't have to hurt, showed me that I am worth so much more than I realize, pushing me to my limits so that I may be better, and continuing to love and support me every way you know how. I am eternally indebted to you, my dear. I will never be able to express my gratitude for you to a point of content for myself.

With all of my love...

-XOXO