Finally Diagnosed

What a whirl wind of a month. I struggled trying to get an appointment with my doctor to discuss my depression to the point where I almost gave up. Finally, I called Monday and he had a cancellation for that afternoon. I took it without hesitation. However I anxiously awaited my appointment all day stressing out about it. I had a moment of panic once in my room when the nurse was asking me questions. She asked if there were any guns or weapons in our home and I immediately responded with, "No, they are all in storage currently." Who am I kidding?! I live with a former Marine, avid hunter, CHL holder Texan. There are weapons or guns in almost every room of my house, but I was nervous. After a series of questions from the nurse and my doctor, I was diagnosed with mild depression with no significant cause. In other words, to my best knowledge there is no real trigger for my depression. I also tested negative for Bipolar disorder. Praise Jesus! That has been my biggest concern since my dad's diagnosis. After struggling for the last 6-7 years to keep my head above water, I am finally on anti-depressants. In 4 weeks, I go back to the doctor and if I show no real signs of improvement then I get to start seeing a counselor. Oh joy!

While at the doctor's office, I also learned I had gained 17 pounds since my last visit to the doctor in November or December. While that is not a huge weight gain, it is huge for me. At only 5'1, that puts me in the overweight category. I've always been petite with an athletic build. In high school, my BMI was never above 12% fat and I prided myself on that. I worked out constantly and ate extremely well for a teenager. Now at 23 years old, I have some of the unhealthiest eating habits and I can't seem to find the motivation to work out. I would much rather sit in front of the TV, play video games, and binge eat. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I have been reassured this is a sight effect of the depression.

So now on meds, I am attempting to find myself again...not like a soul search, but like the healthy, overly athletic me. One of my goals is to run in the Boston Marathon, and I would love if I could do that before my 25th birthday...or maybe just slightly after since my birthday is in January. I want to hike a mountain and many other things that require me to be more fit and healthy than my current body is in. So today and tomorrow, I am enjoying some of my favorite junkiest foods before I bid farewell to them for awhile. (BTW the secret to sticking to a diet is cheat days...I promise.) I would love to lose somewhere between 20-25 pounds before Christmas. That would be my ideal weight because of my height, but I'm not going to obsess over the numbers as much as the inches I lose and how I feel. So ready or not, Friday I start a healthier lifestyle. I pray that I find the motivation everyday to stick with it.

-XOXO