The Homesick Princess

For days now, actually more like a week, I've been procrastinating writing. Why you might ask? That I'm uncertain of. Maybe it's because I don't want to voice my opinion of new city just yet, in hopes that I will prove myself wrong or my opinion will change. Maybe it's my depression running my life again since I've been off my meds because of the move. Maybe it's because I am lazy. I could also claim I've been busy, but we all know that's a lie. These are all just excuses however. I have plenty to write about...I just keeping excusing myself from doing so. So here I am, just after midnight, hanging out on my back porch, avoiding sleep...knowing that I have an interview tomorrow.

This last week has been, I really hate using the overly used cliche but, like a roller coaster. On Monday, I left work crying because no one but management spoke to me the entire day. Oh and, I experienced culture shock for the first time in my life. I am in Texas. I've been to foreign countries, seen things most people can only hope to see someday, and now in my new city, I am experiencing culture shock. Most people I've spoken to don't know where Waco is, and I haven't spoken to many because most people either don't speak English or don't speak it well enough that I can hold a conversation with them. And this is basically what the rest of my week has looked like. I've "made friends" with a girl in my department, other than that management is all who speaks to me.

I've been away from home much longer than just a week, and never once have I been homesick. I've always been so intrigued by each new adventure that home wasn't a thought in my mind and no matter where I was, home wasn't far enough away. But by Tuesday, I was homesick. Ready to be back in Waco. With my friends. And my family. And MY customers...who may be rude, frustrating, snobby, assholes, but they were mine...and most of them spoke English. Now that my first week of work is finally complete, I can safely say Waco 1 will ALWAYS be my home. Buuuut in order for me to grow my career, finish school, and start my life with Justin, I know this was the best move I could make. I miss my friends, family, Chevron (man I miss that dog), familiar faces, unlimited access to back roads, good country radio stations, and the dry heat.

But in all of that, I have to remember all of the ugliness that made the decision to move so easy and why we even had the decision to make in the first place. We want to finish school, get our degrees, so then we can get married, and finishing school in Central Texas was not an option for either of us. We both needed a fresh start, but me most of all. Just before my move, I realized who my real friends were and how few of them there actually were. That was a terrifying moment for me. I know they say running away from your problems only makes things worse, but things hadn't been good for me for awhile so I concluded that an escape plan was the only thing that made sense. I love my parents with all my heart, and I know they have the best of  intentions for me however our differences in the perception of my life and how I was living it was often more than I could handle.

So now I sit here, on my back porch with a bum rolling a shopping cart through our parking lot freaking me out, completely content with my decision. It's not ideal. I'm not in love with this city. I miss Waco more than I ever thought possible. But for the first time in my life, I'm calling the shots, I making the moves, and I am taking responsibility for only my actions, no one else's. Plus I've only been here a week. How can I form a valid opinion of a place in just a week. I may grow to love it in the coming years. Or I may discover I loathe it with every inch of my being. Whatever I decide though, I have the piece of mind knowing, it's MY opinion and it was MY choice to make this move. So for now this little homesick princess is going to keep trying to make the most of everything thrown my way.

-XOXO