So as many of you know, October 2012, I was still dating Tyler. Convinced I was going to marry him, going to see him every other weekend, and so on. Well I can tell you, I know the exact date and place when I suddenly found myself falling OUT of love with him. It was his middle sister's wedding weekend. And you are going to think this is absolutely petty of me, but the moment I realized if things didn't change soon I wouldn't be around for the next wedding, is when Tyler had refused to dance with me all night long, but danced with both of his sisters. OH MY GOSH! I know...he danced with his sisters and not me. But here is the thing, I went dancing with my friends on a regular basis and Tyler never came, I had attempted to teach Tyler many times how to dance and he would always quit half way through the lesson. So yeah, I was upset.
I wasn't jealous. I just knew at that moment, that it would never matter what stage of our relationship we were in, his family would ALWAYS come before me. While I want my future husband to have an incredible relationship with his family, he also needs to know that occasionally I come first. I want to be more than a pawn in a chess game to the man who loves me, and with Tyler that is what I felt like time after time.
Now mind you, there were NUMEROUS other reasons that helped make this transition of my falling out of love in our relationship, but this is what gave my heart that extra push. The next 4 months, I spent all of my time and energy convincing my friends, family, and myself that things were never better between Tyler and I. That I had never been more in love. That marriage was just around the corner. And the sickest thing was that I kept pushing and pushing and pushing Tyler to marry me. Those were the longest and most unhealthy 4 months of my life. I wouldn't take them back for the world though.
I began to spend my nights at the bars with my friends. Tyler would call and I would tell him I was in class, in study hall, at work, in study group, at the library, at the coffee shop, anywhere but where I really was. I stopped making all of the drives to DFW. I stopped begging him to come visit me. I began to make life decisions as if he were no longer in the picture. The only person not phased by my lying words made obvious by my actions was Justin. But he never let on. He let me keep living my lie knowing the day I decide to stop lying, I would need him.
Now just because I had fallen out of love with Tyler by the time we broke up does not mean it didn't hurt like hell. Because it did! The night I broke up with Tyler was one of the worst days of my life so far. Tyler has been my best friend and life for over 3 years. I loved him so much...but I was no longer IN love with him. I never wanted to heart him or break his heart, but he had broken mine long ago and I finally realized it just could not be repaired. It was hard for Tyler who came from the most perfect family ever to understand how you can fall out of love with someone, but I would like to think that nearly 2 years later he understands.
Love sucks. But I am so thankful, my best friend was there to drive me around in the middle of nowhere, take me geocaching, get me Koloches, and dry my tears that fateful night. My timeline with Justin sucks because of my relationship with Tyler, but for anyone who truly understands what I went through for those months even weeks leading to that breakup, they can also understand why I don't care how quickly things transpired for Justin and I. Because MAN, AM I A LUCKY GIRL OR WHAT?! You know how I know this thing between Justin and I is real and everlasting? He doesn't make me crazy (oh don't worry he drives me plenty crazy, but he doesn't make crazy come out in me), I have never felt the need to lie to him about my whereabouts or whom I'm with ever, and most of all, we sincerely enjoy each other's company. He may be stupid, occasionally acts like a jackass, and pisses me off every now and then, but relationships worth having aren't easy; they make you want to work for them. I'll never forget the raw pain of falling out of love with someone, but I'll never experience a more pure love than this one right now.
XOXO
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